you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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