I just pynch a tree in the face
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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