My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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