I accidentally burped into my bong.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
