he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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