i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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