she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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