I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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