Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
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No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
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hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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