By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
