South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
