think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
