my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
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