Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
