I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
