Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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