have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
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Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
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Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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