after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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