yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
