not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
