Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
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Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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