I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
