The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
