she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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