Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
