I'm going to jail i love you
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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