I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
