the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
