I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Found the puke drawer
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
