...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
