you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
