U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
