Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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