Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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