it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize