she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
