Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
