True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
