I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
