I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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