Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
