My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
