i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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