Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize