i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
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So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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