How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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