and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Randomize
