I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
