so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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