I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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