Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
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She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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