Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
