She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
