this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
