If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
