is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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