I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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