just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
