Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
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I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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